half of me is sappy and romantic and nice

and the other half is spiteful and mean and sick and twisted

i don’t understand

(Source: carasalimando)

I don’t know if this is going to be a big mistake, or not. But I’m trusting my gut and my heart with this one, call me stupid, I think I’m brave.

Seeing the person you care about most upset like this is seriously one of the hardest things. I just want to make you so incredibly happy, but I know that what you’re going through right now is helping form you into a better & stronger person.
I just hope these cloudy days don’t last too long, I love seeing you happy.

I really don’t know what to say.. I’m kinda speechless right now. I’m at a loss for words because I don’t even know how to explain what just happened today. All I know is, I just want to go back into your arms and just lay there with you all night. That was one of those moments that I wish could’ve lasted forever. Drowning in our sorrows, yet I still felt a little spark of joy, and calmness, I don’t know, like a peace of mind because you were there with me. Everything just feels better when I’m with you. I don’t know what’s going to happen with us, or with you.. you have alot to figure out, and need to take it a step at a time. I want you to do what you want to do, and I pray to God that he gives us that light to see clearly and to give us the strength and hope that we both need, and to let me see that smile of yours.
But if there’s one thing I’m absolutely positive about, is that I’m so irrevocably in love with you & and I couldn’t have asked for someone better to be in love with, no matter what happens between us.

You stupid ass trick. I don’t think anyone understands how mad I am. How are you gonna fuck up that badly with someone I wish & pray to be with. I don’t think you understand how lucky you are to be with someone like him, and to be that stupid? Please. What you did was so fucking amateur, and for what? So you could have a couple minutes of pleasure? Damn, I hope it was worth it. Didn’t think you’d be the type to do that shit, and to think that he would be in good hands with you. Boy, was I wrong.
You just messed with the person I care about most, and that’s not okay with me. You are going to be one lucky son of a bitch if he gives you another chance. I want to see him happy, and if that’s with you, then you better not fuck up again cause next time it won’t be Michael going out for blood, it’ll be me.

I’m just gonna’ stop right here. I want something that I’m never going to get back. So let’s just stop pretending like I mean anything to you anymore & that “time heals all.” No, stfu. Time doesn’t heal all, that’s just something people say to give themselves comfort that they’re not going to feel like shit their entire lives, and so what if time does heal all, there’s always going to be something else, ALWAYS. Ok. Sorry. Side rant.
Back to what I was saying..
I just wish I could talk to you, like on the phone or in person, but it’s like you don’t have time for me anymore to just talk & when we’re together I think we just don’t talk about these things because we don’t want to spoil the moment.
I just think there’s alot of words and feelings that are being hidden, that need to be spoken of. I don’t know about you but I still have alot of resentment towards you, this is the first time when I haven’t been able to let it go, I usually forgive you for everything, but I just can’t seem to do it this time, I think I’m just confused, and hurt, and scared to talk to you about this because I don’t know what I’m supposed to say, I guess I’m just kinda hoping that you in some way understand me anyway even though I know I’m not making any sense. It’s just becoming really hard to read you now, I’ve been feeling like you haven’t been letting me in like you used to, you kinda just shut me out as the time progresses.

I don’t know, I don’t know anything anymore, I’m tired of thinking, I’m tired of feeling.
I just want to go out & get drunk all the time, but I know it’s not the solution, but it’s the only time I don’t feel the pain, and makes me forget. I’m fine when I’m with other people, but it’s just when I’m by myself, I don’t know what to do with myself.
I don’t know anything anymore. I can’t even cry anymore. I just feel, I don’t know, like dead or something.

I’m such a selfish bitch. I’m seriously ashamed of myself sometimes.

I don’t even know how I feel about you anymore. I’m just tired of fighting for someone who isn’t fighting for me back. I mean, our relationship is so weird, and you make me really happy, but I guess my love just isn’t enough, and that’s okay. I mean, if you don’t feel the same way anymore, than I’m not going to force it. I’ve tried to get you back for so long, but I guess I should’ve realized this a long time ago, is that you’re not coming back.So I guess we’ll just have fun until we get tired of each other. I just don’t have the time to be jealous anymore, or to keep on crying for you when you’re not crying for me. I love you, but I love myself more than to keep on doing this to myself. I can’t be living in pain, for someone who isn’t feeling the same pain. You’re happy, so why shouldn’t I? I guess if you showed some effort then things would be different. But you’re not showing effort, because by the looks of it, you don’t care to be with me in that way. I don’t know, maybe it’ll happen in the distant future, but I’m most surely not waiting for that day anymore, I’m just gonna let fate do it’s thing. Is this how it’s supposed to feel, now that I’m finally getting over you?